so how exactly is 2nd year going?

not that great. let me splain.

school is hard. it's really hard to do very well in the classes (i'm learning to settle with doing "ok"). and it's hard to live with the fact that there is always something else i should be doing right now. it's like having an around-the-clock job, that you can never get away from. every break feels a little like i'm stealing, and it's getting harder to enjoy them. because then i get guilty, and angry with myself, for not being more disciplined or for being weak- "needing" a break when i feel i shouldn't have to.

it's hard too with people. i've stopped hanging out with most of the guys, they don't do anything other than video games, and that just gets kinda tiring. i still hang out with kelvin and afarin, so that's good. but i'm lonely a lot. i wish that more family and friends were close, people that aren't in med school.

there's been some good things happening too. hulu.com has revolutionized my life. it's a place where you can watch a bunch of tv shows online, for free. since i've been doing that all year, for lack of cable, and with the writers strike, it's been great. they have some current shows and also some old ones like "arrested development" and "doogie howser". super fun.

also, i've been hanging out a bit with some other girls i know. i went to a semiformal last weekend, which was loads of fun, with some people i know but don't hang out with very much and wouldn't mind getting to know better.

and of course, i have to mention volleyball. we play every monday and wednesday, and i've started attending rather religiously. it is so much fun. my old high school skills are coming back, and i get excited every time my serves are consistent and my hits are good. people have figured out that i'm left handed, and have started setting me up in the right place. it's so great. however, i tend to get really tired after i play, and it's hard to go home and do work after. so i have to plan ahead for that.


i'll leave you with one very odd thing i found while reviewing notes. this is from a pharmacology lecture about malaria, talking about the possibility of a vaccine. i don't think the prof mentioned this in class, but it sort of disturbed me when i read it:

"irradiated sporozoites were delivered via mosquito bites to volunteers. When subsequently challenged with infected mosquitoes, the volunteers were protected."

in english, it basically says that people volunteered to be bitten by mosquitoes that had non-infective malaria in them. then they were bitten by mosquitoes WITH MALARIA to see what would happen.

now, most of you probably don't spend time reading about different studies, but this was an impressively crazy one. this isn't usually the protocol: trying to see if people catch a disease like this. if you're studying diseases, you might follow a group of patients for awhile and see what happens, and if there's a statistically significant difference in getting a disease between people with the treatment and those without, you take note. like with the new HPV vaccine, they gave the vaccine and then followed up x amount of years later to see who had cancer. they didn't give people the vaccine and then try to give them HPV or something.

granted, i have no idea how this study was conducted. this just might be the way that the prof decided to word the findings. maybe the volunteers weren't left in a room with infected mosquitoes until sufficiently bitten, as in the picture my mind immediately conjured up.

anyway, i don't usually talk about the material i'm learning about on here. what do you think? should i tell you the crazy stuff i'm learning about, or just the drivel you're used to?